Now fall

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Final Fantasy XIV just announced Blue Mage.

I started playing Final Fantasy XI back in 2004; I knew what “Final Fantasy” was I just didn’t care much for it. I’ve played video games since Nintendo and Duck Hunt and I’ve always been attracted to the shorter Mario games or DDR or fighting games.

But RPG’s? Things that required me to invest time?

Nah.

I was dating a guy at the time who was heavy into all kinds of games. And I was one of those girlfriend’s who didn’t exactly complain when they’d spend 16hrs on a game but I just didn’t understand why either. So one day he shows this emote TaruTaru’s had on FFXI that was /panic and I fell in love! I thought it was the cutest thing ever!

My first character on a Final Fantasy MMO was a girl Taru named Ihiphop. I ended up so much more invested in the game I ended up signing up for my own account. I recreated her as Ihiiphop and a boy since my bf at the time only played female characters and you’re able to get married in game but it had to be a boy and a girl (FFXI didn’t support same sex marriage at the time). Over the span of about 8 years Ihiiphop did his White Mage thing until I decided I wanted to be a cat girl and so Cheshiire was created as a Monk.

I ended up quitting FFXI because life got busy and all my friends started quitting. Eight years is a pretty good run anyway.

I won’t lie, there are a lot of times I miss FFXI so much and my friends — I still keep in contact with some but I’ve lost touch with lots of others.

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Happy 2 years~!

Two years ago I married my best friend in a different world.

I can’t believe it’s been two whole years since then! Time truly does fly when you’re having fun, I guess. Because it definitely doesn’t feel like two years. It feels like we just got married. But thinking of the span of time from this day to today and everything that has happened between is crazy.

I’m thankful for this moment. For this day. For the friends that were once family and though they’re not anymore I still keep these memories close to me. I’m thankful for the man by my side who did everything in his power to be there for me — a random girl he met on a video game states away and how he never left my side.

I definitely didn’t know what I was getting into when I decided to say yes to Sir Penny’puss.

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This boy with his smooth lines, sexy catboi and his sexy glamours who for the last two years since we became friends had made sure that I go to sleep every single night with a smile on my face. Who’s never taken his eyes or his attention off of me.

(Don’t worry, my hotbar doesn’t look like that anymore)

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June 21st, 2016 ~

Sometimes life throws up something so god awful you think you’ll never recover. And sometimes it’ll also throw you under the bus. And sometimes, just sometimes, it’ll throw you someone you were NOT at all even trying to look for.

A few days ago hit the 2 year anniversary of when I was forced to get an abortion. I admit that I had been over my ex lonnnnnnng before that. And I was in a very weird in between state of: okay how do I escape this awful situation I’m in and I never ever want to date anyone or have sex ever again for the rest of my damn life.

So when I felt well enough to jump back on FFXIV I was a bit annoyed my friend at the time was heavy set on me meeting a guy she thought I would love. I told her I wasn’t interested nor was I in the mood. I actually told my entire Free Company to stay away from me that day.

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I had spent the day fishing because fishing in FF MMO’s was always a way I had relaxed. And Costa del Sol was definitely a beautiful place to just try and get my mind off of things. It’s still one of my favorite places in the game.

I locked myself in my room and I tried to stay away from everyone.

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But apparently my friend manged to catch me in the crafting room while I was looking for fishing bait and brought the boys — including the one she was trying to introduce me to — with her. I only knew Xer (the one in all black) who was “her guy”. I figured the one she was trying to have me meet was Sir Penny’puss (the one who is IRONICALLY matching me). I didn’t know who Naha was at the time and I think there was one other guy there but he had left before I snapped this picture.

I was purposely targeted on Naha because I felt so awkward there. Penny had came up to me and hit me with a macro and I had never seen someone compile a macro just as something fun to do. Most of the time people just do macro’s as an easier way to cast a spell or raise people so to see him put together this really fun macro was interesting.

Right when he was done they all stood around me and hit me with the /joy emote which is one of my favorite boy cat emotes. Then they randomly ported away. My friend told me to chill with them in Limsa but I was still feeling a bit low so I decided to log off instead.

I didn’t have a very big opinion on Penny when I first met him — I was surprised he was wearing a straw hat and that his outfit damn near matched mine. And I thought he had a lot of energy. That last bit is still true to this day, two years later.

I remember not really knowing what to make of him or if I was interested in him since I didn’t know him. But I ended up adding him on Facebook a few days later. And I started a poke war with him. That turned into very early morning conversations that went on all day long for weeks.

On the 23rd he started throwing out smooth lines to me:

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I went afk for a bit to fold laundry and I came back to Penny sitting right in front of me staring at me. In a top hat. He didn’t know it at the time, I’m sure, but top hats are a weakness.

Me: I’d fold my clothes happily if I came back to this all the time.
Penny: If I’m around I’ll always do this.

And eventually on June 24th this happened:

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I asked him if he had a mat I needed for a top I wanted to craft and he did happen to have it, I was particularly new to this game so I didn’t know much about how things worked or how to obtain them. So he met up with me when he got on after work and gave me the mat I needed.

He then decided to keep me company while I fished and between pony farming with his Free Company.

Again, we’re kinda matching.

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I talk about this particular photo a lot.

I don’t really know why but it’s still one of my favorite /gpose catches. I don’t remember what we were doing or why we were even throwing emotes at each other and I still to this day have trouble getting Axelyn to face Penny when I’m doing /gpose. But the one time it actually worked, the photo turned out to be one of my favorites.

It’s hard for me to figure out what day I should write/post this post. Simply because we met on the 21st. Well we “met”. We hung out together for the first time on the 24th and we started dating on the 30th. Or well that’s when we had our “first date”. We don’t really have a legit anniversary date so we just picked that one.

~*~

Sometimes life throws things at us that we’re not looking for. Or things we feel like we’re not ready for. But I’ve never been one to let a chance that may change my life slip by.

I can’t believe it’s been 2 years already, it definitely doesn’t feel like it’s been that long. The time has just zipped on by!

Mental Health: & Gaming

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I’ve always been a bit of a loner and when I was younger this use to really really bother me; not feeling enough. Being that friend that just wasn’t enough: Not popular enough, not pretty enough, not interesting enough, not socialable enough… and often times my long time friends would ditch me and completely cold shoulder me once they jumped into a new group of better and cooler friends.

There are literally a handful of people who have stuck by me my whole life and who are still some of my most dearest friends today.

As I got older, I started to care less about fitting in and cared more about writing. About making time to play video games (I was really into the DDR scene in high school). About working to fund these DDR events. I cared more about being different, about standing out and I cared way less about what anyone thought about me.

I’ve always dealt with depression, at least since I was 13 and I had really bad anger issues at 16. The two mixed together always turned into an epic disaster.

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On FFXIV and ‘friendships’

There were many other blog posts I had thought to write today. I recently watched The Greatest Showman and it inspired something in me that’s been missing for awhile.

But yesterday I got into a ‘FB war’ with a ‘friend’ over how he throws around the term mental illness to anyone who doesn’t agree with him or whom he doesn’t like.

I’ve seen him say this about multiple people within the almost 2 years I’ve known him. He claimed it about various people in our large FC he didn’t like or agree with. Various people on our server he didn’t like or agree with and he’s said it about people he’s heard of but never even met. He’s also quick to throw you the story about how his ex girlfriend (though he claimed she was his ex wife for a year) ‘ruined his life’ with her mental illness and he has absolutely nothing good to say about her and belittles her as much as he can. I’ve never met her but the way he describes her sounds like a one sided story.

This particular time they were discussing someone my boyfriend was in a FC with before I met him and I have played and conversed with this person and he’s on our current server which when we do run into him he’s always polite enough to say hello. I don’t know him on a personal level and I don’t care to. I think that’s part of the problem with people on this game, they expect to know who you are in real life as well and judge you accordingly. It’s a game. I don’t know where these people are from and I don’t really give a shit. I’m here to play a game. Not talk about real fuckin life. If I wanted to do that I’d call up a real life friend, you know?

So this ‘friend’ was once again implying that this guy had a mental illness based on what he’s heard about him from girls who got their ‘heart broken’ (that’s another thing about this game — some females are so quick to dick hop then cry about getting their hearts broken when dude’s make it clear they’re not looking for a relationship in the first place). So I asked this ‘friend’ which ‘mental illness’ does he think the guy identifies with. To which the ‘friend’ replied with he didn’t know but considering how he acts he must have one.

My stance on the whole thing was that it’s rude to imply someone has a mental illness if they haven’t said so. That it’s not funny or a game to say someone has something mentally wrong with them just because you don’t like them. And this ‘friend’ wasn’t getting the hint. He was still steady on implying his stance. Then he started being a jerk, which I’m fine with. Said friend is usually a jerk. He likes to ‘debate’ but when you don’t agree with him/fight him on a topic he gets defensive and starts to play victim.

Then Bubba steps in cause tbh Bubba never liked this ‘friend’ to begin with. And because no matter how big or small the situation Bubba will always defend me. And no, I didn’t ask him to. Nor did I expect him to either, I’m use to fighting my own battles. But Bubba stepped in and told this ‘friend’ about himself. Stuff that Bubba himself has seen, heard and observed without saying one word about it in the last 2 years as well. And despite Bubba going head to head with this ‘friend’, the ‘friend’ and one of his FC mates strictly just attacked me. This ‘friend’ for some odd reason worships Bubba almost for reasons I’ll never understand, saying I dragged him into the drama not knowing that Bubba himself throws himself into drama when he feels the need to.

So this ‘friend’ gets defensive saying we’re ‘personally attacking him’ when the subject at hand has stayed on this stance of mental illness. The ‘friend’s FC mate steps in and automatically starts throwing low blows AT ME though I’ve never met this person or heard of him.

He went as far as telling me I’m a waste of space.

And that he has heard ‘stories’ about me. Which I’m curious to know what stories since I lay my wholeeeeeeeeeee life online for anyone to read who’s interested. I talk about my struggles, my mental illness, my divorce, my abortion, my miscarriage…. like bruh, what do you got? Cause I promise you it’s not new news. All the while this ‘friend’ was telling a close friend of mine that his FC mate is trying to trigger me.

Hm, that kind of cancels out the ‘friends’ logic of “if people are an asshole they don’t get a pass but if they have a mental illness then it makes sense as to why they’re an asshole.” logic, doesn’t it? Considering his FC mate took the fact I have a mental illness and tried to use it to trigger me.

First off.

How dare you TRY to trigger someone you don’t even know. How dare you place that kind of shit on someone. How dare you be that cruel. And to that ‘friend’ how dare you stand there and watch and let it happen.

I’m so beyond disgusted with the way they both acted towards me and Bubba. I’m so beyond sickened that there are people who would even dare to attempt to trigger someone ON PURPOSE because they’re trying to “hit them back”.

You have to be some kind of extremely low person to even do that without any sort of remorse! Yet you all have the nerve to talk about how someone on a game hurt you? What makes you any better than him? Walking around hurting people you don’t know?

Just like someone else in the IG community said this morning — friendships on this game are paper thin.

This community is nothing like the one on FFXI. It’s sad how toxic the FFXIV community really is and it’s sad that they don’t even care.

Final Fantasy XIV: Social Downfall

I was inspired to finally write about what happened to me about 2 years ago on FFXIV because of and entry I stumbled on from The Girly Geek Blog. I also posted this on pxahxj and though I didn’t want this to be my first blog post here, I figured I would post it here as well.

Preface: I played FFXI from 2004 – 2012 before hopping on FFXIV when it first came out in 2010 then when it crashed and went to shit they remade the entire game in 2013 called Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn (lololol we had hoped that shit was reborn) to which I jumped on the beta for.

So me and Square Enix, we’ve got a very long history man.

I ironically didn’t jump on FFXIV again until April of 2015 and I’ve been playing it ever since. Through the few years I’ve been here it’s been.. an experience. Nothing like the mellow FFXI life I had. Literally. Nothing. Fuckin. Like. That.

There are a million stories out there and especially if you have a character Instagram, people are READY to call out the newest fuckboi in the FFXIV community. You can say we’re pretty tight. Most of us anyway. Though you never know who’ll betray you first. But like I said, there are a million and one fucked up stories swirling around and I’m here to share mine.

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When I jumped on in 2015 it was because I had suggested to my bf at the time (he went by “Chan”) we should play together. We were trying to find games to play/stream together and he asked me what my favorite game was and I mentioned this, so we jumped on.

We started on Cactaur and stayed there for about a year before he got tired of the “emptyness” and so he decided we switch to Siren.

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We ended up very quickly in a Free Company (a guild if you will) which name I now can’t really remember but known as Sky.

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